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Avengers: Strawberries + Shawarma - 8

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Strawberries & Shawarma
—Chapter Eight:

"Not a great plan."
Tony Stark



Tony Stark was in the kitchen. As if that wasn't already bad enough, Tony Stark was in the kitchen trying to cook.

Steve watched him bop around a hot stove poking at the eggs sizzling away in a pan with equal parts apprehension and dread. He hardly withheld the urge to wince when Stark shoved his spatula beneath the yokes with an ungodly scraping sound before he promptly flipped them to expose their browning underbellies. Now Steve might not have possessed a great deal of finesse himself when it came to the kitchen, but this was just. . .sad.

Tony had already managed to burn half a dozen eggs and knock most of the other half on the floor, singe off some of Bruce's arm-hair, almost squash the banana Natasha had been peeling into her face and break three different coffee mugs, to which Thor had responded with a well-if-he's-allowed-to-then-why-can't-I face.

Steve just sat back and kept out of the splash zone.

They'd all paused and waited for the Hulk to rip out of Bruce's clean shirt and start stomping around the kitchen in search of a certain god to bash into the floor, but instead he'd just glanced at the new rather obvious bald spot on his arm before turning back to the fruit he'd been slicing with a hiss.

Sitting back and scrutinizing the unholy concoction that Stark was curiously jabbing at while he tried to figure out what in the world it was supposed to be, Steve was amused when Natasha finally asked the question that the rest of the audience had been dying to.

"What the hell is that?"

Tony turned and rewarded her with the slight pucker of his brow before he went back to his business. "Breakfast."

Thor promptly decided that his third cup of coffee was more than enough and Bruce was quite content with his fruit bowl. Natasha simply glanced from her banana to the mess in the frying pan and Steve figured he had another twenty minutes before his stomach pitched a fit.

None of them had the heart nor the stomach to ask for Tony to divulge any information past that and Thor eyed the small dish of spices that the man at the stove had put together before deciding that it was all in their best interests if it suddenly went missing. He tucked in under the counter under Romanoff's careful nod and left none the wiser, though the latter noted what looked to be cinnamon and oregano mixed with one another and grimaced at the thought of what else Tony had snuck into the mixture. No wonder why he wasn't allowed in the kitchen.

They were all exchanging another look behind his back and trying to figure out how to proceed before Stark burnt down the Tower with them in it when a sixth voice suddenly chimed from the doorway, and Bruce turned his anxious look from the pan to find Pepper approaching them, still dressed in her (slightly rumpled, thanks to Tony) pajamas.

"What's that smell?" Her eyebrows pulled together as she came to halt at the counter, glancing between four of her house guests before her gaze finally settled on her boyfriend attempting to cook and she looked more unsettled than shocked. "Oh. . .No."

Steve was just about to tell her to run and save herself when Tony cut him off, turning away from the stove top with a light scowl.

"Breakfast," he repeated as if confused as to why no one seemed to understand what he was doing. It was early morning, they were in the kitchen and he was preparing food. What else could he have been doing? Thor drained the rest of his coffee while Pepper quirked a thin eyebrow.

"I thought I said you weren't allowed in the kitchen."

"Unsupervised," he shot back with a shrug. "I have supervision. It's all good."

Pepper's mouth pulled into a thin line and she resigned herself to taking a seat beside Steve at the breakfast counter in roughly the same spot she had the day before. They exchanged a quick greeting before watching as Tony delicately scooped his concoction onto a plate and Bruce tried not to look too repulsed. He felt a short spurt of pity when the man settled the plate and a bundle of silverware before Pepper, clearly expecting her to eat it. Her brow furrowed as she gave it a short study before looking up at the man she'd spent the last decade of her life with in an oh god, do I have to? manner.

"What is it?" she asked, picking up the fork he'd set beside her plate to poke at it. It let out quiet hiss as one of the bubbles in the egg popped.

"An omelet," Tony supplied as if surprised that she'd even had to ask. The last time she'd seen one of his omelets (and it hadn't even looked like an omelet, really) had been on the jet back from Monaco and it had looked worse for wear, what with how mushy and just. . .eh it had been.

Pepper's eyes narrowed just slightly.

"Are you dying?"

He blinked and frowned, folding his arms over his stomach. "What?"

"Are you dying? Palladium in your chest?"

Oh. "No."

"Did you kill someone?" At the inquiry Natasha chewed her fruit in bemusement. Steve just frowned and scooted away from Pepper just a bit.

"No."

There was a pause and she gnawed at her lip for a moment. "Are you being sued?"

"Last time I checked, no."

"What did you do?"

With a loud breath Tony threw his arms up in exasperation, obviously bothered by the unique round of Twenty Questions and just wishing Pepper could have some faith in him when it came to his work in the kitchen. He'd made macaroni & cheese just fine that one time! Maybe he'd almost burned his hand on the boiling water, but other than that it had come out fine. Even if he'd willingly been distracted by the redhead and let the water boil over. Still.

"Can't a guy just make his girlfriend breakfast without some ulterior motive?" he exclaimed, making this the first time a majority of his team had heard him give Pepper such a title.

"No," both Pepper and Natasha chimed, and he scowled at the latter. It was Potts that continued speaking, however. "Back at the Expo you said you were going to make me an omelet and tell me you were dying. What's your aliment this time?"

"Other than a redhead and her angry dad, I'd say I'm actually just peachy. And again with the Expo!" Stark leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms again, glancing between her and the sad looking omelet and otherwise ignoring the others. "Consider this Part Two of my apology for that."

Judging from Clint's comments about the 'donkey' and other noises he'd been hearing last night during his state of insomnia, Natasha had a fairly good idea of what Part One of Stark's Apology had been. Thor and Steve looked fairly confused, but Bruce also wasn't about to start educating them just then.

Pepper bit the inside of her cheek and lowered her eyes to her plate and she swallowed before finally using her fork to cut off a small piece, spearing it and giving it a careful study. Glancing up to Tony again the woman grimaced before putting it in her mouth at his not so subtle nudging. He couldn't help the grin as she began chewing, and the other men in the room offered her their condolences. After a beat Pepper nodded as if to say not bad and Tony chuckled, not noticing the way she bunched her napkin up in her hand.

"See? Not too bad, huh?"

In response she only gave another slight nod before pointing to the stove beside him and he whirled around and cursed when he found that it was still on.

When he wasn't looking, Pepper delicately spat the bit of omelet out into her napkin before hiding it in her lap.

She offered Bruce a quiet 'thank you' as he offered her a slice of melon while Tony was busy warring with the stove and trying not to burn himself. He turned back around just in time to find Steve nudging the pathetic excuse for an omelet away from Pepper and frowned.

"Oh come on, it can't be that bad."

Stark took one bite and got a mouthful of mushy grape tomato and eggshell.

He was quickly relieved of cooking duties for an undisclosed period of time. He didn't complain.


"I'll learn to cook someday," Tony said half an hour later, happy and content with his stomach full of fruit and Pepper curled up on his lap. She closed her eyes and laughed, temple pressed into his neck as he smirked.

After the brief run-in with the mess he'd tried to feed his girlfriend, Stark had quickly gone about destroying the evidence, about to throw out the plate itself before Bruce had made a quip about ruining the good China and settling his fruit bowl between them all. (Tony had subtly checked for any signs of strawberries, but had relaxed upon seeing a lack thereof.) As a result, they'd had a grand old time lobbing grapes at Thor's grinning mouth and Bruce had questioned Clint's whereabouts, learning from Natasha that he was still passed out in bed. Tony had earned an elbow to the ribs for his quip on of course she would know.

Of course, things had taken a slight detour when Steve asked if Pepper had made any progress with her father and the woman had just sighed and toyed with her piece of cantaloupe.

"I. . .haven't spoken to him since last night, but I'm sure he's had to have calmed down some by now." Rogers nodded as she had shot Stark a look, but he hadn't been paying attention at that point, too focused on annoying Black Widow with comments about Hawkeye. "At least Tony didn't tell him I was pregnant or something."

That, of course, Tony had heard and immediately picked up on. If only the last bit. "You're pregnant?"

Thor had paused in consuming his fourth cup o' joe and Pepper simply blinked back in near-shock. "What?"

"You're pregnant?" Stark asked again, and Bruce had noted the way the quiet way the industrialist's eyes had lighten up at the notion.

Natasha shifted her stance as Pepper flushed. "Do I look pregnant?"

"Uh. . ." Tony just about stuttered, not knowing what to say and not wanting to say something that would shatter the already thin ice he was stomping across. "No?"

And why couldn't he have left at that?

"I mean, you don't, but if you. . .wanted to. . .I mean, if you were you could. . .because if you were. . .I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with not looking like you are—you don't, but if you did. . .if you did look. . .if you were, uh, pregnant. . ."

Agent Romanoff knew all kinds of torture—this had to be one of the Top Ten.

"Please stop talking," Pepper finally cut in before Tony did any more damage to his thought process, both looking beyond uncomfortable. The man was suddenly enthralled with showing Bruce something on the far wall of the room.

". . .and then maybe someday we might, if we think the timing's right." The sound of Pepper's voice suddenly snapped him back to the present and he tore his gaze away from their panoramic view of New York City to meet hers.

"Hmm," he hummed in reply, pressing his lips to her forehead and she closed her eyes at the touch, partly relieved that he'd clearly been too out of it to have listened to her breach the topic of pregnancy again. He shifted his hold on her and she pressed her palm to the arc reactor implanted in his chest.

"I thought you were going to take care of that," Pepper said, poking at the slight crack that had resulted from his intergalactic space travels and brush with death.

"I'm a bit preoccupied right now," Tony responded, trailing his hand up from where it had been resting at her hip to cup her chin. He lowered his own just enough to let his precisely trimmed goatee brush against her slightly parted lips and he felt a bit of smug satisfaction at the way her breathing hitched every time. "Now hush, Phoebe Buffay has an important message about Smelly Cat for the world."

A blush crept up the back of Pepper's neck as he pulled back with a chuckle and she smacked him playfully before settling back into his chest and circle of his arms. They both turned their attention back to the window that had morphed into a television screen even as their minds wandered elsewhere.

It had become a tradition of theirs—among various other rituals—, watching old Friends reruns.

Tony would chuckle at Joey's antics, Pepper would comment on how he could learn a thing or two from Ross and they would both sit back and question what Chandler Bing's job was. Pepper found it amusing, really, how they'd just started watching the show together for no reason during its last season and Tony had decided that they were to watch reruns as a means of understanding what had happened during the last nine. The thought hadn't occurred to Potts at the time, but now that she thought about it she just assumed it had been one of his attempts to establish a relationship between them.

And so Friends Time had become Bonding Time.

And Tony had pulled the 'How you doin'?' line more than once with little success.

"We should build a robot dinosaur," Tony said after a few minutes of dialogue and laughter from an unseen audience.

Pepper chuckled. "And why are you building a robot dinosaur?"

"Because I want to name him ROSS."

"ROSS?"

"Really Obnoxious Steel Stegosaurus. ROSS," Tony grinned, his gaze flickering from the paleontologist mooning over Rachel to the woman seated on his crossed legs. "He can be JARVIS' new friend. Or pet. Pet makes more sense."

Pepper couldn't help the second giggle that escaped her. "What do you say to that, JARVIS?"

"I would look forward to nothing more," the AI deadpanned after a moment's hesitation. Stark took a moment to glower at the ceiling.

"Are you getting an attitude with me, Jeeves? I dunno if I like that."

"With you, sir? Never."

Tony frowned again and glanced back down to Pepper with a pout as the sitcom went to a commercial break.

"JARVIS is getting feisty again," he whined. Said AI would have offered some sort of witty comeback had it not been for the obvious change in mood.

"Is he?" Pepper responded, to which her boyfriend hummed. "Aren't you going to test out your new muting tactic then?"

A grin split across Tony's face at her comment, suddenly understanding what she was getting at. He was about to follow through with his 'test' when she jumped the gun. Not that he minded.

He could hardly help the small sigh that escaped when she pulled away and his free hand drifted to the back of her neck. "Run that by me again?"

"Gladly," Pepper smiled, arm winding around his neck.

They'd gotten about a minute's worth of 'testing' in when Thor and Captain America decided to grace them with their sudden presence. Iron Man let out a rightfully exasperated noise when Pepper shifted to a less compromising position, though Tony maintained that she stay on his lap. If only to prove a point.

Steve was well aware that they'd obviously interrupted something and was about to excuse himself when Thor clapped a hand of each of their hosts' shoulders in greeting. Neither had been remotely prepared and sunk into the couch cushions with a grunt upon impact.

Tony just glared at the intrusion as the other two men then took up residence on the other couches and was about to ask them to leave in a rather rude manner when Pepper shot him a certain look that told him to be nice or else. He complied, but that didn't stop him from rubbing circles into her hip with his thumb and whispering things in her ear.

Steve really wished that he didn't have such great hearing because—good Lord, Stark.

For his sake, at least JARVIS had upped the volume of the makeshift T.V. in an attempt to drown out whatever Tony had muttered that had Pepper blushing. Thor was too busy frowning at the screen and looking dumbfounded to do much else.

She blushed harder when the Prince of Thunder decided to quiz them on the product the last commercial had been promoting.

Pepper had turned beet red, Tony wasn't sure whether to laugh or feel bad and Steve—already having a general idea, given the ad's context—just buried his face in his hands and muttered something about fondue.

"What is this tampon device these Midgardian women appear fond of?"

And then, of course, followed by:

"Would they make a suitable gift to celebrate the anniversary of Jane Foster's birth?"
guys it's so sad. I finally finished chapter fifteen and mother of god am I looking forward to chapter sixteen.
like it's sad. I've already started plotting it out and everything


[Post-Avengers | Pepperony | humor | romance | srs business | derpiness]
Read the seventh chapter here: [link]
Read the full story here: [link]
© 2012 - 2024 jinx-lin
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NadsatBabushka's avatar
Tony, what are you doing? Tony! STAHP! Get away from the stove! This is why we can't have nice foods! Next time just call and order some delivery breakfast food. All of a sudden I want breakfast for dinner. Sad day.

Pepper being pregnant XD all of a sudden I'm having flash backs to our last big RP.

ROBOT DINOSAURS!

And chapter 16 woo! I wish I was as productive as you when it came to writing. =P